May there be cake (equivalents)!
It's May! The best and most cake-filled month of the year!
17th of May marks the event of the season… my birthday. Therefore it’s only natural that this month’s newsletter is all about birthday treats, especially because my baby brother and mum also have birthdays in May. I have always been known as a bit of a drama queen, and have always made an astronomical fuss about my birthday (and my half-birthday, but I get told off for celebrating that)… Think princess tiaras and my face on everything possible, I know most people dread having ‘Happy Birthday’ sung to them, but I LOVE it.
Birthday cakes have ALWAYS been taken seriously in my family, with my mum turning into Mary Berry every time someone’s birthday is approaching (once she made a Chinese 5 spice chocolate cake which was absolutely rank, but that is her only faux pas to date).
But what will I do this year?
Unfortunately for me, I'll have to celebrate this year without one of my mum’s fabulous cakes, because it’s the middle of exam season and we’re a three-hour drive apart. But if you think I will be celebrating any 23rd year without a sweet treat of sorts you would be sorely mistaken, I have two-and-a-half weeks before my birthday to try as many cake-eque treats as possible to decide what I should have on my special day. Move over birthDAY, it’s time for birthMONTH.
Before you ask “Hansa, why don’t you just make your own cake rather than go in hunt of one?” I will let you in on a secret. I am frightened of my oven. It hates me. The smoke alarm goes off whenever it is used (with a particular vengeance when I’m hungover), so my flatmates and I have taken to air-frying everything, and I’m not sure how nice an air-fried cake would be.
Birthday doughnut
I considered branching out from traditional birthday cake, thinking that none would ever top the homemade delights I’m used to, so naturally considered a birthday doughnut.
WhoCult is a Wales-based doughnut brand that opened its Cardiff store in March, so of course I had to try what they had on offer. I opted for an Oreo doughnut while Nelly (my flatmate and more importantly, sweet treat advisor) went for a Percy Pig one.
Firstly, they are ginormous, and at £3.95 a pop I felt I was getting my money’s worth. They were tasty, the actual dough was light and not too sweet and the swirl of icing gave it a sense of celebration that would be very fitting for a birthday. However, and I hate to say it, (especially after a month of wanting to try one), it didn’t blow me away, and I think it would disappoint me if it was my birthday cake equivalent- if you’re in Cardiff and looking for a gargantuan doughnut, I would recommend Doughnutters over WhoCult. Another major issue with a birthday doughnut would be fitting 23 candles into it and not causing a house fire.
Birthday doughnut rating: 6.5/10
Rock(y road) and roll!
I have been craving a rocky road since ‘Elsie Eats’ popped up on my TikTok with her mouthwatering chocolate concoctions and just so happened to stumble across one in Barkers Tea Rooms in Castle Arcade.
Brimming with marshmallows it was honestly one of the tastiest things I have ever eaten. I haven’t stopped thinking about it since and my mouth is watering as I write this.
I cannot stress enough everyone’s need to try it. I don’t care if you’re on a diet or don’t like marshmallows (Hannah I’m talking to you, we will be going to get one soon) - this sweet treat will change your life.
It is so rich that the lightness of the marshmallows provides blissful respite from the denseness. The caramel drizzle is ridiculously delicious and cuts through the slight bitterness of the chocolate (I think they've used a mixture of milk and dark for extra richness).
If I were rating this rocky road simply on taste, it would score 11/10, however, I have to consider birthday-ability. It is very hard, so slicing a few up to share among my friends would provide a logistical nightmare and possibly a lot of work for our vacuum cleaner. A similar issue is the case of candles, not only would the chocolate melt, but if a knife can’t cut it, how am I meant to shove some wax in there?
Birthday rocky road rating: 8.5/10
A vanilla slice is very nice
Sitting in the sun outside Caffè Nero in Roath not only allowed me to burn my shoulders but to see hordes of people walking past clutching black and yellow paper bags. My interest was piqued, so I headed down Wellfield Road until I came across Parson’s Bakery.
The air conditioning was a welcome break from the heat of the day, and the sight of cakes and pastries behind the counter was even more welcome. I spent time ‘umming and ahhing’, trying to decide what to get. “Everything is down to £1.50 if that helps” the baker called out to me. It did not. Everything looked so delicious, still, I settled on a cream slice, A because I’d never had one before and B because it was so pretty- definitely suitable for a birthday.
I practically ran home in excitement to try it (hoping Nelly wasn’t in so I wouldn’t have to share it). I unwrapped it to assess the damage it had sustained in transit and was relieved to see there was none other than minimal icing smudging. I wasted no time getting a plate and just sunk my teeth into the pastry. Cream spurted everywhere, I looked like some kind of creamy water feature the way it was oozing from my face.
It was delicious, the cream whipped to perfection, the icing beautifully sweet and the jam complimenting the buttery pastry perfectly (and as only a recent enjoyer of jam, this is high praise indeed).
I think I might have found my birthday sweet treat with a vanilla slice; it’s pretty, easy to cut and share, incredibly tasty and I could definitely stick a candle in it.
Birthday vanilla slice rating: 9.8/10
The winner!
It was third time lucky. The vanilla slice won. It’s my birthday tomorrow and I cannot wait to venture to Parson’s Bakery and stock up, ready to introduce my friends to the best sweet treat ever!
